Blogging to Bless

I decided to make and can strawberry jam today only because I admittedly have a few screws loose with a newborn in the house and seem to only be content with myself if I am testing my stress limits.  While Julia was sleeping I rushed to wash and remove the tops of the strawberries, only to be bombarded by offers to “help.”  As anyone knows when a baby is sleeping you only have limited time with two hands free, but I could not ignore Colette and Mary’s desire to be close to Mommy and feel validation in participating with the jam making.

Mary, being only two and still limited in abilities to follow directions, was assigned the task of taking the strawberries that had been washed out of the strainer into a bowl to be de-topped.  This was really an unnecessary step created only for her participation.  It slowed my entire procedure down considerably.  She took every strawberry, one at a time, into her little hands and stared at it, her hands trembling with the resistance of desire to crush the berry and hesitantly placed it in the bowl.  The battle of good and evil continued with each transfer.  I was becoming anxious as I could hear Julia starting to rouse.  “Mary, just put them in the bowl!” I exclaimed more than once.

I knew I should be valuing my time with the girls, no one bickering or being deviant, but I just wanted to get my task done so I could move on to the piling activities I faced today.  I told myself to relax and delight in the way Mary would sneak glances through her long eyelashes to see if I was watching, her thumb quivering at its power to demolish the soft tissue of the berry in hand.  But it was supposed to be a five minute task that was turning into an eternity, with each minute eating away at the possibility of the jam ever being produced.  I did not want to relieve Mary of her duties because her pride was as vulnerable as the strawberry she held in her hand, but similarly, I quivered with the ability to just crush her spirits and swoop her off the chair.  “This is excruciating!” I thought to myself.

Excruciating.  I actually thought that word was applicable to my situation.  It was “excruciating” to watch and wait, while the existence of my strawberry jam balanced in the hands of Mary.  Maybe it is attributed to the observance of the day that the word came so quickly to mind.  I was filled with shame.  To describe my laughable and really, rather delightful situation with the same term that was created to describe the way my Savior died was shameful.  How quick I am to allow the small anxieties of life to consume me.  I consider them sufferings, worthy of my complaining.

We so freely use terms without considering the weight of the word.  Love, hate, awesome, wicked, starving, excruciating…  We profess our love for shoes.  Proclaim hatred of brussel sprouts.  Describe our physical state of the three hours between lunch and dinner as starvation.  Our lack of patience with our little child becomes an excruciating situation.  Our overuse and misuse of words eats away at our very ability to communicate the extremity of a true situation; one such as my Lord and Savior dying on a cross for the sins of this world.

He suffered.  Ah, yes- suffering- I know all about it.  I suffered from a cold last week.  It was brutal.  Really.

Do we take the time to meditate on how He actually suffered?  Or has our tendency to overuse extreme words to exaggerate trivial situations caused us to minimize what He endured to express His love.  His love.  When we confess our “love” for material things that we abandon when the newest upgrade comes along, how can we understand the concept that drove Him to the cross?

He suffered.  It was excruciating.  I think Mel Gibson’s “The Passion” provided us with a vivid look at the physical torment that Christ went through.  I think it is important for us to recognize that.  But far more important is to consider that mental and spiritual torment that He suffered for you.  It is not easily fathomed and so, not often considered.  Jesus had the ability to escape His situation at any moment.  He submitted to it.  That battle alone had to be exhausting.  Then, there was His awareness of the state of the whole world that rested on His shoulders.  He knew His disciples deserted Him and were hiding in fear, wondering if they had been deceived in believing in Jesus.  Judas had betrayed Him.  He knew the inner-workings of the hate that nailed Him on that cross, but knew that even still, some of those responsible would later turn to Him in love and He would receive them.  And, He knew that for many, what He did would not be enough to prove God’s love for them.

But the least realized aspect of His suffering was by the hand of His Father, the only One who truly loved Him.  Isaiah 53:10 “Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer.”  It was the will of the Father that Christ suffer and die for those who did not love Him, so that they might.  God poured out His wrath upon the Son that He loved, so that you might consider that He loves you.  The very Son was separated from His Father at the cost of your sin.  God turned His back on Him, because He would not turn His back on you.  He turned His back on Christ, because God knew He would endure it.  And He did.  And He did it for you.  And He knew you might not believe it, but He did it for those who would.

He suffered at the hand of His Father, because He loved you.  This was not love like you “love” your new pair of shoes or new car or the ice cream you treat yourself tonight.  It was not even love like you feel for your spouse.  The weight of that word drove Him to the cross and carried Him through all the suffering.  There is no other love like it in the world.  

I have often been ashamed of how lacking my prayer life is.  I battle find the time and the desire to spend time in prayer and am often only praying in the midst of troubles.  I have promised others that they are in my prayers and have forgotten to pray for them.  I know that I am “unplugged” from a major source of power in my life and yet laziness causes me to stay disconnected.

Yesterday I sought inspiration for my blog as I had hoped to make an entry everyday this week.  I prayed and read the Bible for an hour and though I found many things I could write about, I lacked the words to express my thoughts.  I made a plea on Facebook for inspirational help and my dear friend Catherine sent me a link to her blog.  For those of you who don’t know Catherine, she is on a fantastic weight-loss journey.  She recently posted a video speaking about why she has taken the challenge of this journey and her thankfulness for her accountability partner.  And I found myself inspired to find an accountability partner for my prayer life.  I called my husband and told him I wanted to start a prayer journal together.

One of my greatest struggles with prayer is knowing what to pray and when.  How do I make a meaningful prayer without it being to general?  How do I not become consumed with sorrow as I visit all of the needs of this world?  How do I reign in my thoughts so I am thoughtfully meditating on specific needs for specific individuals?  Finally last night, what I have been searching for appeared in my head.  Together, Jonathan and I developed an organization so that we are rotating our prayer theme each night so we can stay focused and not forget the needs and hurts of our loved ones and others.

I thought I would share with you our design and invite you to join us on our prayer journey.  For each day we open in a prayer of praise to our God for a specific area, then pray for others in a related area and carry that theme to focus on a prayer for our children.  We then pray for each other regarding the same topic and end with a prayer of thanksgiving that coincides with that topic.  Here is what we laid out as a guideline for us to follow.  It may seem redundant to have a praise section and a thanksgiving section, but the praise section is intended to recognize God for Who He is and the thanksgiving section allows us to give thanks for the specific areas in our life where He has revealed that characteristic to us.

Sunday
Theme: Faith
Praise:  Open in prayer praising God for His faithfulness to us.  We love because He first loved us.  His faithfulness endures forever and He has been faithful to all of His promises.
Others:  Our prayer for others is for those lacking the faith, knowledge, and comforts of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  We will name specific individuals that God has placed on our hearts to minister to.
Children:  Regarding our children, we will pray that they grow in knowledge and faith of God, naming specific areas that may need to be strengthened at that time.
Each Other:  We will pray that God would help us to follow Him faithfully, even when we don’t understand what He is asking of us.
Thanksgiving:  We will thank God for our faith, for being able to freely share our faith and the opportunity to raise our children in the faith.

Monday
Theme: Finances
Praise:  We will praise God for being the provider of all our needs.  He is the provider of our life, our abilities that sustain us, and our purpose.
Others:  We will pray for the specific individuals in our life struggling to make ends meet, in search of jobs, or those who struggle to use their financial gifts wisely.  We will also pray for those in struggling countries, as well as our current country’s economic state.
Children:  We will pray for our children’s discipline, since finance is an area in our life that requires great discipline.  Along with that we will pray for our children’s obedience since this is their role in the family.
Each Other:  We will pray for Jonathan’s career as well as my job as a wife, mother and blogger.
Thanksgiving:  We will thank God for our financial situation and the opportunities that He allows us to be a blessing to others with the gifts He gives us.

Tuesday
Theme: Health
Praise:  We will praise God for being the Great Physician, the Healer of all our hurts.  We will recognize that one day we will join Him in Heaven where we will look forward to our glorified bodies and no more pain and suffering.
Others:  We will pray for those who are suffering with physical ailments.
Children:  We will pray that God will provide our children with good health.
Each Other:  We will pray for our own health and pray that God will encourage us in providing our children with a healthy environment, as well as meeting our own health goals in regards to eating right and exercise.
Thanksgiving:  We will thank God for our health, our children’s health, and for those we have seen Him heal.

Wednesday
Theme: Relationships
Praise:  We will praise God for being our Father in Heaven, who rules and disciplines in perfect divine example.
Others:  We will pray for those struggling with relationship issues- those going through divorce or break- ups, those with strained parent/children relationships, etc.
Children:  We will pray for our children’s confidence, that they find their self-worth in God and Who He designed them to be.  As they grow, we will pray for positive friendships and role-models and pray that God is designing a mate for them.
Each Other:  We will pray for our own marriage.  We our a powerful force of support together, which means there will be attacks by the enemy at our marriage.  We will pray for perseverance, renewed love, continued respect and that when servitude grows tiresome, God would renew our commitment.
Thanksgiving:  We will thank God for those around us who fill our life and our children’s lives with love.  We will thank Him for His love.  We will thank Him for the love that we have found in each other.

Thursday
Theme:  Family
Praise:  We will praise God for being Our Father in Heaven, who rules and disciplines in perfect divine example.
Others:  We will focus our prayers on our extended family; for their health and well-being, for their happiness, for their faith, for their provision.
Children:  We will pray for their wisdom.  We will pray that we will be recipients of their love and devotion.  We will pray for their role in our family as gifts from God that we are to raise up in love for Him.
Each Other:  We will pray that He would strengthen our daily role as parents.  We will ask for His wisdom, patience, kindness, love, and guidance so that we can be examples to our children so they will know how to grow to love and serve Him.
Thanksgiving:  We will give thanks for our family and for being a part of the family of God.

Friday
Theme:  Protection
Praise:  We will praise God for being the Great Shepherd, who lays down His life for His sheep, who tends to us and watches over us and guides us to safe pastures.
Others:  We will pray for those in dangerous situations, war and areas of public service that require a sacrifice of self.  We will pray for those who are struggling emotionally as well; those that are depressed, lonely, or struggling with sin.
Children:  We will pray for their protection from temptation, danger, and evil.
Each Other:  We will pray for protection from temptation, danger, and evil.
Thanksgiving:  We will thank God for our friends and for the many support systems He provides us with.

Saturday
Theme:  Witnessing
Praise:  We will praise God for His great evidences of His love.
Others:  We will pray for Pastor and our church, Heart of the Shepherd, that God might inspire the worship service the following day so that many will come and hear of the goodness of Our God.
Children:  We will pray that God will provide them with the fruits of the spirit and that they would exude Godly qualities.
Each Other:  We pray that God will strengthen our witness of His great love; that we would be open to sharing it and that He would provide us with opportunity and courage to share His love.
Thanksgiving:  We will thank God for the comforts worship brings, for being tools in sharing His Word, and being designed for a specific purpose in carrying out His Word.

Join us in our prayer journey!  Please feel free to email me with your prayer requests or post them at the end of this blog.  My email is bloggingtobless@hotshepherd.org.

I know I am a day late on this one, but I wanted to wish you all a happy Passover!  Now before some of you start wondering if I suddenly converted to Judaism, I want to remind you of our heritage and the significance of the Passover to Christians.  Sadly, many Christians focus entirely on the New Testament, forgetting that the foundation of our religion was built in the Old Testament and is imbedded in the history of the Jewish nation.  Christ, Himself a devout Jew, quoted Old Testament scripture to assert that He was the Savior the Jewish nation was waiting for.

The story of the first Passover is found in the Book of Exodus.  At the time, the Israelites were enslaved by the Egyptians.  God had called Moses to urge Pharaoh to set the people free.  Each time Pharaoh refused, a plague was placed on the Egyptians.  The final plague was that all of the firstborn, man and animal, of any Egyptian household would die.  However, God gave the Israelites specific instructions to protect themselves that night.  He commanded that each Jewish household slaughter a spotless lamb and take the blood of the lamb and paint the doorframe of the home using a hyssop branch.  The Jews were to remain in the home the entire night.  This would be a sign to God to pass over these households that night as the plague took place.  They were to eat the lamb after it had been roasted over a fire, along with bitter herbs and bread made without yeast.  They were to have their cloak tucked in their belt, sandals on their feet and staff in hand as they ate, signifying that they would be leaving quickly.

All of this is a symbolic foreshadowing of what we will be celebrating in a few days as Easter approaches.  First, it was because Jesus was observing the Passover that He was returning to Jerusalem at the risk of His life.  Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a colt, the foal of a donkey, to fulfill the prophecy in Zechariah 9:9, and many gathered to shout Hosanna (which means “save” in Hebrew).  The day is now celebrated as Palm Sunday, but on the day that it took place, it was the day that the Jews were required by law to present their Passover lamb for inspection so that it could be declared without blemish and an acceptable sacrifice.  It was not a coincidence that Christ presented Himself on this day.  He was spotless- without sin.

The blood of the lamb of the Passover protected the Jews from death the night of their exodus from Egypt.  It was not simply the blood on the doorframe that caused their household to be passed over, but it was a declaration in belief of the God who would save them.  In the same way, when we declare belief in Christ’s death and resurrection, we are covered in his blood and saved from eternal death and given life eternal.  This is why Jesus is often referred to as the “Lamb of God.”  When God looks at us, He sees the blood of Christ on the “doorframe” of our heart.  Our declaration of belief is that Christ’s death was sufficient payment for our sins as the wrath of God was poured out on Him during His death on the cross, therefore we are passed over and spared.

I pray that you understand the significance of Passover and have painted the doorframe of your heart with the blood of the Ultimate Paschal Lamb, Jesus Christ, whose blood was shed for the sins of the whole world.      

We wonder at how it could happen; how God could let it happen.  Tragedies that befall upon the “good” people of this world- young parents at the death of a child, loved ones suffering with cancer, divorce threatening a once stable marriage.  We question God and his sovereignty.  We inform an all-knowing God that He does not know what He is doing; must not have considered the faithfulness of these people.

It seems a common expectation of Christians that life will be easy and safe, though the Bible warns us of exactly the opposite.  Somehow it seems logical that as faithful followers of Christ, a man of great suffering and sorrows, we should be freed of our own.

As Christ approached His death, He experienced great mental anguish.  Imagine having the awareness of God of what was to come and the ability of God to prevent it, but submitting entirely to the plan.  We forget that it was not easy for Christ to bear these qualities here on earth.  Long before His death had been plotted, He knew the great suffering He would endure.  He also knew that He had the power to stop it.  At any point, He could have decided that we were not worth.  In the words of the great song “Ten Thousand Angels,” He could have called ten thousand angels to destroy the world and set Him free.  He was not helpless, but He refused to save Himself in order to save us.  The temptation must have been so real- excruciating to resist.

In John Chapter 12:27-28 Christ says, “Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say, ‘Father, save me from this hour?’  No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.  Father, glorify your name!”  This verse describes Christ’s ability to save Himself, but His willingness to save us.  A voice from Heaven proclaims that His name has been glorified and will be glorified again.  Then Jesus informs the crowd that the voice was for their benefit, not ours.  How can we benefit from this story?

Jesus knew what we so often struggle with.  He knew that His sufferings would lead to God’s glory which would be for the benefit of the whole world and Christ as well.  This knowledge, this trust in God, this faith is what gave Him the strength to submit to the suffering.  So often we cry for God to save us from “this hour” of suffering, but it would behoove us to follow Christ’s example and declare, “Father, glorify your name!”  In this we will find the strength to push through the sorrows of this world to find everlasting peace in a God who can carry us through all troubles.

If the Son of God was not spared suffering, we should know that we will not expect to be spared either.  But what, then, is the promise of God?  Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  There is no promise of being exempt from troubles, but that He will be our ever-present help in the midst of troubles.  So often our doubt in God is founded in the fact that we face troubles here on earth, but we can watch our faith grow abundantly if we were to submit to our trials and make our pleading be “Father, glorify your name.”

Romans 8:28 assures us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”  Dear Christian, He is working ALL things in your life for good!  There is a purpose in your suffering- a strength, a perseverance, a salvation that will glorify His name and that will lead you to everlasting peace and comfort.

They had two beautiful daughters.  The father peeked into the stroller I pushed onto the elevator and told me he thought Julia was very cute.  His wife asked how old she was and commented on how very alert she is.  With motherly pride, I told them about all three of my girls.

After stepping off the elevator, I started bundling Julia for the cold walk to the car.  It was raining heavily.  I saw the wife tug at her husbands arm and he turned to me and said, “Please, could I watch your baby for you while you pull up your car?  I would be happy to.”  I politely declined and his wife said, “Are you certain?  It really isn’t a problem.”  I assured them that I had Julia warmly covered with blankets and protected from the rain, but thanked them for their kindness.

As I walked to the car, I felt very touched by how friendly they were and concerned for my well-being.  Suddenly I felt compelled to go back and thank them and then tell them how much God loves them.  Julia was loaded in the car and I pulled out one of my “How Good is Good Enough” books that I have been carrying in my purse with the intent to give it to them.  I prayed that God would allow me this opportunity and drove down the parking lot lane opposite from the exit.  I saw the father get in his car that he had pulled up to the front door for his wife and two daughters and quickly pull away.  Just like that, they were gone.

I have often felt sorrow for a stranger, whether it be trial or tragedy that brings on the emotion.  But I don’t believe I have ever felt true sorrow when considering a stranger’s salvation, until Friday.  I prayed to God that they knew the love of Christ and that if they did not, He would put a strong witness in their life.  And I cried because I would not be a part of it, or know what becomes of them.  They had two beautiful daughters.  They were very gentle people.  And I won’t ever know if they will know the joy of their Lord and Savior.

I know why God let them get away.  I believe He had to let me experience that sorrow so that I could know why He calls us to witness.  Admittedly I felt sorrow because they were nice.  I wanted them to be saved.  They showed me love.  But the sorrow I felt for them should extend even to those that do not show me love; even those that show me the opposite.  The sorrow that I felt was a small glimpse of what God feels, but better than the sorrow, He wants me to experience the joy of watching another come to Christ.  I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to witness to my husband and see Him saved.  When I look at Jonathan and reflect on the work that Christ has done in his life, my heart fills with joy.  And to have been a part of it is a gift from God.  God wants me to be part of more opportunities like this.

Colette’s Bible verse for the week is “Store your treasures in Heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy.” (Matthew 6:20)  The only treasures I can take with me to Heaven are the souls of my loved ones.  This is what my focus should be in life.

God also spoke to me through this incident in another way.  As my last entry indicated, I was feeling the need to branch out in my faith in God and commit to Him in a bigger and bolder way.  I thank all of you that kept that in your prayers, and I believe the answer I received is found in Matthew 25:21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant!  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master’s happiness.'”  I have realized that I have not been trusted with greater deeds because I have not been faithful in the small things.  In light of this revelation I have made a commitment to read the Bible and spend time in prayer everyday.  Shamefully, these things I have not been doing.  I want to join in my master’s happiness.  I would love to hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”  I know that as I am faithful in the small things, greater things will be yet to come.  

Because I write this blog it is evident that I claim a saving knowledge in Christ.  I told you in my very first entry that this blog is a testimony of my faith that God has worked a plan for my life and yours too.  So the words in John 9:41 have been causing me much reflection on who I am claiming to be versus who I am acting as.  “Jesus said, ‘If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.'”  Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees whom He had just accused of spiritual blindness.  This, after He healed a man who had been physically blind his entire life.  

Last week was really chaotic.  I am adjusting to life as a mother of three and have already had the experience of dealing with 3 sick kids all at once.  Yes, though Julia is just shy of four weeks old, she has already had her first illness shared, no doubt, by the gracious coughs of her big sisters.  Hence the absence of a post last week.  And the ridiculously cluttered home I am sitting in right now.  And the topic of this blogpost.

As I found myself just trying to provide for my family on a survival basis (meaning getting food on the table at regular intervals), I also discovered I had developed a new catch-phrase, “I love you, but…”

“Mary, I love you, but Mommy can’t play right now.  I have to make dinner.”
“I love you, Colette, but Mommy needs some quiet time right now.”
“Jon, I love you, but I can’t talk right now.”

By the end of the week the phrase was comfortably rolling off my tongue with little thought.  And it was clear that despite my attempt to reaffirm my love, it was being received as, “I love you so long as you leave me alone!”  Somehow it seemed acceptable to me to declare my love as a reason to be excused from actually putting that love into action.  In the midst of trying to just get by on minimal sleep and the bare necessities, I had forgotten that it was because I love them, I needed to be making greater efforts in the difficult times to express it.  Yes, there are certain leniencies that my family graciously allows and yes, providing for their physical needs is an expression of my love, but clean laundry says little to a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 3 week old.  And if that laundry comes in the way of enjoying one of those rare warm winter days, then the only emotion that is evoked is resentment.  I can tell my husband I love him, and hope that he sees it through the lunch that I threw together while bouncing a crying baby, but truly he will know it when I take the time to just listen to him talk about his day.

Love is about sacrifice.  We see it expressed best when it was not easy for the giver to love, when it cost something.  It is what makes a good romance- when someone continued to love when it hurt.  It is why Christ’s death means so much to those that understand it.  But too often it is when it starts hurting that we hide behind the words of love to slack off on the actual act of it.  “I love you, family, but I am just too tired to show it.”  I do not want my husband and my children to look back and question my love for them because though they heard about it frequently, they may have difficulty actually seeing it.

How frequent our love becomes rote memorization- Get the kids dressed, make breakfast, clean it up, do the laundry, make lunch, clean it up, change a diaper, clean the bedroom, make dinner, clean it up, tuck in bed, kiss, and “Good night, I love you.”  (Run out the door with a sigh of relief that your job is done)  I could do it with my eyes closed… or at least with several children screaming at me!  And because it is so routine, somewhere love can get lost by the viewer and the giver forgets to actually put the love into it.  

And let’s not forget, “Our Father, Who art in Heaven…”  So it goes with the life of a Christian- go to church, sing a song, attempt to listen to the sermon, sing another song, remind God that you love Him, and drive back home.  (Run out the door with a sigh of relief that your job is done)  How often are we telling God, “I love you, but…”

“God, I love you, but I would rather sleep in today than spend time in prayer with you.”
“God, I love you, but I don’t want to sacrifice my comforts to show others your love.”
“God, I love you, but I like things the way they are so don’t ask me to change.”

“I love you, but…” says little about love.  It is precisely what John cautions us against in 1 John 3:18, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”  It is applicable in all of our relationships, including our relationship with God.  How do we express our love for God instead of just being takers of what He freely gives?  How do we change our life from being an “I love you, but…” declaration?  By confessing in truth that we have failed to love in action and saying, “Because I love you…”

“Because I love you, God, I will spend time with you in prayer.”
“Because I love you, God, I will sacrifice my comforts as you have called me to do to show others your love.”
“Because I love you, God, I will seek your love through difficult times when I don’t understand the changes that are going on around me.”

And let’s not forget to change our interactions with our family from “I love you, but…” to “Because I love you.”

Shortly after my brother, Brian, and his wife had their first child, he said something to me that really captured what parenthood is like.  This was before I had embarked on that journey myself.  He said that having a child made you feel like you had just accomplished the world’s greatest feat, that you had partaken of a miracle and yet, it was odd to consider that childbirth and childrearing had been taking place for thousands of years, that everyone that was and is, had been borne by someone.  Still, you could not help but marvel at your involvement of bringing new life into this world.

It has been my joy to carry three separate lives within my own and each time I have found myself in awe of it.  Women often like to share pregnancy and labor stories like men gloat over battle wounds.  In the end, when that little life begins with it’s first independent breath from the body that carried and nurtured it for so long, it is victory that we feel.

And yet, why?

Why glory in something that is experienced by so many- every nation, every race, every religion, every generation for thousands of years?  What do we find special in bringing one tiny life into the midst of the billions already in existence?  How do we continue to stand in awe of something that is routinely taking place thousands of times in hospitals and homes across this world, even as I type this message?

Somewhere along the way, we have convinced ourselves that miracles are a rarity.  It seems that miracles can only exist outside of the norm or we deem them too “normal” to be miraculous.  We choose words such as “coincidence” or “luck,” even “accident,” to describe miraculous events, so as not to sound extravagant.  And when we toss out the cliche “the miracle of birth,” we don’t actually mean it.  How often do we take the time to truly consider the process of reproducing life?  For those that have struggled with conception, they know how difficult, and yes, miraculous, each new life is.

It only occurred to me with the birth of Julia what an opportunity pregnancy is.  It is an invitation from God to participate in an everyday miracle.  And He is offering this invite everyday to each of us, not just in the form of reproduction, but in the way we lead our life.  For Him, miracles are His way of life.  They are the norm.  They are routine.  But they are still miraculous!

Consider the disciples and the crowds that followed Jesus when He walked this earth.  They expected nothing less of Him than miracles.  Should we not expect the same?  Our God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  But we allow monotony and routine to cloud our judgement about God’s hand in our everyday life.  He is constantly working through us to bring about His miraculous plan of opening hearts to the love and grace He offers.

I believe that there are miracles happening everyday with the coffee you spilled on your pants right before you needed to leave for work, the conversation you have with the random person in the grocery store, the item you dropped off at the Salvation Army, a positive post you place on Facebook.  We do not always see the timing that God is working out, the seed that He is planting, the gift that He is offering, through our everyday routine, but I believe that He is always working through us.  And I believe when we start opening our hearts up to Him, we start recognizing the miracles in the small things.

The truth is every life is a miracle, but that miracle doesn’t end at birth.  God works everyday miracles in each of our lives when we choose to recognize it and credit Him for it.  Working with the God of the Universe on an everyday, routine basis… now that’s pretty miraculous!

I like to tackle life with a plan, rationalizing that somehow I will always find myself prepared for anything I could have imagined would happen outside of the plan.  God, however, likes to remind me of my dependence on Him (for which I am very grateful) by rarely allowing life to go according to my plan.

The plan for Thursday night was for Jon to rent a U-Haul to pick up the new bunkbeds in Beverly Hills that we had purchased for the girls’ bedroom.  Although that mission was accomplished, the plan to be driven by my husband to the hospital when I went into labor was not as successful.  My husband was an hour away, loading furniture onto a truck when Julia Grace communicated she was ready to make her grand entrance into our lives.  So it was Jon’s father that drove me to the hospital, my husband already awaiting upon our arrival.

Having delivered both Colette and Mary without the aid of an epidural or pain medication, the plan was to manage labor with the same method of focusing on what my body was accomplishing with the pain, rather than the pain itself.  Mentally I was not in the same mind-frame that I had been in for the deliveries of my first two.  In the passing weeks I had found myself continually uneasy with the idea of labor.  The mechanism experts claim women have to forget the pain of labor was not working for me and the task ahead had been wearing on my mental state for weeks.  Coupled with a baby that was positioned with a nose pressing on my spine, I found myself exhausted by the pain only 4 hours into labor.  It was 11pm.  Calculating that I still had several hours of labor ahead of me and then a night of caring for a newborn, I informed the nurse that I would be needing an epidural.

I knew that I was not entirely comfortable with the idea of an epidural and that I would have some emotions of “failure” to deal with after the delivery.  My husband, knowing me as well as he does, questioned if I was certain.  I told him yes, because though it was the first time he was hearing it, I had considered for several weeks now that this was the route this labor might take.  Being that it was my first time to even consider an aid for pain management, I was ignorant of how long administering an epidural would actually take.  As the nurse took time outlining the details- the time it would take for the bag of fluids to drip through the IV, the actual procedure of the epidural, how long it would take for it to take effect- I was panicked with mixed emotions.  Thinking that relief was soon in sight, and then watching the minutes tick by in the midst of contractions, I realized that God was communicating to me that He had a plan in store for me.  I prayed that if I was not meant to have an epidural, that I would receive a very apparent sign.  Meanwhile, I raised my hands in praise with the pain of each contraction, whispering the words of “Your Love, Oh Lord” by Third Day, “I will lift my voice to worship you, my King.  I will find my strength in the shadow of your wings.”  I imagined my hand actually reaching up into Heaven and pulling down the strength that God provides for those that rely on Him.

It was a very cautious and sympathetic voice that informed me I would not be able to get an epidural as I was nearly ready to deliver.  I wonder if she was surprised by my relief, but I knew that God had answered my prayer and carried me through the pain so that I could deliver the baby according to my plan.  I was awash with what a gracious God we have, who cared enough for my small concern when He manages a world with far greater needs.

Moments later I held in my arms that miracle of life that is my third daughter, Julia Grace.  Her middle name will forever remind me that it is by the grace of God that He provides for our every need and cares for our desires too.
 

I recently introduced Colette to the “Little Mermaid” soundtrack.  Having loved the movie in my youth, I was enjoying the music just as much as she was.  But a particular song that Colette has grown to singing regularly is starting to bother me lyrically, especially coming from the mouth of my four year old.  In the scene where the song takes place, Ariel is admiring her collection of artifacts from the human world.  She sings, “Look at this stuff.  Isn’t it neat?  Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?  Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl, the girl who has everything?”  Then she continues to list off and show off her prized possessions and crescendos with, “But who cares?  No big deal.  I want more!”

This song of discontentment has started to feel like a reflection on my own life.  It seems the theme song of the American way.  For me, my discontent has not been so much with material possessions as of late, but with my current situation.  I am going to try to portray this as best as I can, but conveying the mental struggle I have been facing lately may be difficult.

My second-born, Mary, was two weeks early.  This lead me to be overly prepared for the birth of the child I am still carrying one week away from due date.  Knowing logically in my head that all pregnancies are different did not mean a whole lot to me because I also knew that this meant the baby could come even three weeks early.  Enter this state of obsessive-compulsive behavior that started about 4 weeks ago.  I have been attempting to assure that this baby will enter the world in the most prepared state possible, which means I am finding myself in a constant state of unrest.  Straightening, vacuuming, dusting, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and it just keeps repeating.  I get everything up to par and then something is dirty again.  It seems it only takes two days for dust to collect on the furniture and the carpet to grow fuzzies, not to mention how toy boxes vomit almost hourly around here.  I lay in bed planning at which point of the following day would be acceptable to go into labor, contemplating all that needs to be done first.  Once my tasks are completed, I let out a sigh of relief and think, “Now if the baby would just come, everything would be okay.”  When two hours pass and I am facing a meal to prepare with clean up to follow and another day’s work rounding the corner, I am filled with gloom.

I am not a perfectionist or a neat-nik.  I really can not explain to myself why I am doing this.  When I began the pattern almost a month ago, it seemed wise and harmless.  Yesterday it lead me to the edge of despair.  I know that this may seem all over-blown to many, even myself, but as I considered that I may be living in this perpetual state of unrest for another two weeks, I lost it.  I started begging God to just send me into labor.  We battled.  I begged for rest and I felt Him denying it.  The truth is I told God that I wanted my will, not His in this case.  I sensed that He was telling me the baby would be born on His time, not mine and I feared it was a much longer wait than I could bear.  I knew He was telling me that the birth of this child was not about me, but that He had bigger plans.  I felt like I should have more control over the situation.  Afterall, it’s my body that is carrying this child, that is aching and groaning and begging for me to just sit down.  And as I was bawling to the point of a bloody nose, I knew it was such a ridiculous thing to fight God.  There is an end in sight for me.  Even if I don’t agree with God’s timing, wouldn’t it just be best to go along with it, considering who I was up against?

The question came to mind, planted by God, “If someone’s salvation depended on this baby being born a week late, would I still be asking God to give me the baby now?”  I told Him I didn’t care.  I have explored far enough into my beliefs to know there is no use lying to God, or sugarcoating how I feel.  At that moment, all I cared about was me and the exhaustion I was feeling.  It felt horrible.  I felt such shame for the way I was feeling.  I could not ask God in that moment to forgive me, but to change my emotions.  I realized that I had been trying to control everything for four weeks, as if I had any control over the situation at all.  In the end, God was just using my situation to reveal to me the ugliness of my sinful nature I so often choose to ignore.  He knows that I very frequently only like His will when it mirrors my own.

It was not long after the battle that Colette came bouncing from her room singing, “I want more!”  How God uses that little voice to speak to my heart!  I have two beautiful children, another about to enter this world, a loving husband, comfortable home, many encouraging friends, and I want more.  I want more to keep me content, more to keep me from unrest and discomfort and unhappiness.  Meanwhile God assures me that all that I need in this world will be found in Him.  I try to appease my greedy nature by hungrily following after food that leaves me satisfied for the moment, when true fulfillment lies in His hands.

Funny, just this past Sunday I taught a lesson on John Chapter 6.  In it, many were searching for Jesus after He performed the miracle of the feeding of the five thousand and when they found Him, He said, “I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.  Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  On Him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”  Jesus was rightly accusing them of only following Him for what He could do for them, how He could fulfill their daily needs.  How often do I seek Him out with the same intentions, all under the guise of faith?

My heart needs to be filled with the hunger to do His Will to further His Kingdom, rather than satisfy the aches and pains of this world.  The “more” that I should be crying out for, is more of Him in my life, more of His will.  How can I deny His Will to save the lost and hurting, the spiritually dead, at the expense of my discomfort?

My prayer for the birth of this child has changed from, “Lord, let it be soon,” to, “Lord, let it have purpose.”  That is a prayer I know He will answer.  In that I find rest and peace.  Battling with God lead me nowhere but to a realization of how very wrong I am and how very far I have to go.  Today I find rest in His unfailing love and forgiveness.

Lamentations 3:22-24 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”